A funny thing is happening

First of all I am not hypomanic. This is coming from a stable me even if it sounds otherwise.

All sorts of things are coming together for me. It's like everything my wife tells me, everything I read, and everything I listen to is hitting me. It is changing how I look at my work. It is changing how I look at my relationships. Yes my current book (The Road Less Travelled) is helping me along but it is not the primary reason.

I used to have "episodes" where I would "freak out" and do an say things I would regret later. I realize now that these things were merely a manifestation of my own dependency issues.

I used to sit at work and feel fear all day only seeing the end of the day as my salvation. Meanwhile other people at my work would do their jobs, learn things, etc. I knew that for success I would need to work harder and to learn everything I could but I still just wanted to get by. Because I was afraid.

I have been so depressed. . . I am starting to feel better by using as I call it "cognitive self-therapy with the aid of my wife"

There is more but I don't have time...

Basically how I did this was to realize that I am not dependent. If I were suddenly alone I could get myself a job. I could get myself a place to live. At that point I have everything I need in order to survive: food, water, and shelter.

My irrational fear at work should not exist. I should be focusing on the work. After all I worked so hard to get the degree I got simply because I loved what I did. What happened to that? Where did that go? It got squashed by fear. Fear sucks.

I'll post about this again when I have more time.