7 Days to Deletion

In 7 days I am removing this blog.

I am a dismal failure at pretty much everything. I have been reading so many books, listening to all sorts of self-help audio cds, and attempting to set goals. As I have said in the past self-help is fundamentally flawed. If the self is fucked up how can it help itself? I am completely incapable of taking action which is at the center of any success program. I will never have traditional success so my definition of success from now on is just getting through the fucking day.

Therefore, in 7 days I am giving all of my books away and tossing my CD's.

I have been trying for years to put something together. To do something. I have achieved nothing. I will achieve nothing.

Therefore, in 7 days I am throwing away all notes I have made for any project or business. I am also going to close the semi-never really got there LLC business I created about 3-4 months ago. I will cancel my web hosting which I never use any way. I will let my domain name run out in January.

Originally this blog was going to be a business project and then I found it to be a great outlet personally so I tossed the business idea. Then I let family read it and I pretty much started to hold back. I stopped blogging for a while because of that. So if family reads this right now sorry to freak you out. I really doubt I will answer my phone.

I pretty much am a mess and that is never going to change. I can't take care of my back yard. I can't clean my own room. I can't take care of my own bills. I can't take care of my own cars. I can barely work. I can't do what everyone else does.

So what am I going to do instead?

Well suicide isn't an option. I spent part of my day fighting my wife over that. She wouldn't let me leave the house. I spent the day sleeping instead.

So I am basically quitting most everything. I have an interview tomorrow. I am not going. I will stay at my miserable job because to me any job would be miserable so why look for another one? More money would just mean more money to spend. I get a bonus and a raise in January anyway. I will spend my time at home doing the things I am supposed to be doing like mowing the lawn. If am not doing that I will find mindless entertainment. I guess I will buy a bunch of Playstation games.

So my life will be a lot simpler because I won't be dreaming.

I will still have the most important thing: family. I will just try my best to be some kind of family guy. But I am terrible at that.

A lot of different people have commented here before and I would like to thank you all. Sometimes it has really helped. Some commentors have come and gone. I've commented on some of your blogs. Some of your blogs have come and gone.

It's time to take this one off. Perhaps I will start another some time. You won't know it's me unless you happen to recognize my writing.

I will try to post each of the 6 days left but on Monday, August 13 2007 this blog is history.

Peace out.