I spent Saturday in the ER for a suicidal episode. I have not been doing well for a while now. I am going to be getting into talk therapy because this is an issue that keeps coming back.
I know I put this blog into hiatus but that is because I was giving up on a lot of things in my life at the time. But perhaps I should start talking on it again... I don't know.
It's 2:30am and I don't feel like going to sleep. I have to go to work tomorrow.
How does one deal with the guilt of becoming violent towards himself? How do we deal with sudden uphevals? As bipolar individuals what do we do?
I've been so quiet on his blog for so long I hope someone happens on it and says something.
14 comments:
hang in there ... the ride ain't over
I'm really, really sorry I haven't been commenting. A while back I thought you weren't posting any more . . . I was definitely wrong. I've read all the back posts now.
About the guilt.
I was thinking of a person as a ship sailing across an ocean. The captain of the ship can do his damndest to steer safely, but when he comes across rough waters, the ship is going to rock.
Another way to put it . . . we think of ourselves as masters of our destiny. But human beings are very, very complicated, and it may be that the best we can manage is to influence (not control) ourselves.
Another way to put it . . . don't be so hard on yourself. Keep trying to do your best. I personally have faith in you and am proud of how hard you're working.
And put something back into your life that brings you joy. If it's not the business, then maybe painting, or the guitar. You have many gifts to give the world. Every time I watch the video from May where you're playing the piano and my kids are dancing, I just smile and smile and smile.
Now that I know you're back, I'll be checking your posts and commenting more.
Love,
Your Sister
Um, not "playing the piano." I meant "playing the guitar." Erp.
I hope you're okay...perhaps, because of your suicidal thoughts, you've gone to the psych ward/hospital? I sure hope you're getting the help you need. Good for you for going to the hospital.
Please write soon so I know you're okay...
KS Sunflower
I too suffer with bipolar disorder and was recently diagnosed with PTSD. I sincerely hope you're getting help and understanding in concerns to the suicidal thoughts.
Keep posting too, I've found blogging is a great way to release some of those pent up emotions that prove too difficult to verbalise.
Good luck with everything :)
Its not easy, but at least you are reaching out. That's a good thing.
hey - come back and write something - or if you can't do that send me an email:
beenbroken@gmail.com
I don't have answers but I do know something of what you write about here. And the suicidal stuff is with me a lot of the time. It's horrible, awful, nightmarish. I had an episode two weeks ago when I was beginning to prepare to die, left the house not sure if I'd come back. It was speaking to people which pulled me through that. And if it might help, please speak to me - it would be great to hear from you.
Take care
B
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Best Wishes,
Dan
My wife asked me one time why I was so willing to forgive others, but I wouldn't forgive myself.
Try to forgive yourself, and hang in there.
I haven't had the chance to read all previous posts, but which medications have you tried?
I'm not consulting, but this website offers great deals on several medications, maybe it's worth a try...
http://licensed-rx.com/prozac.php?aid=mteam&tid=ccq_prozac
My life is like the rollercoasters I became obsessed with when I was 5. However, as a bipolar, there is no ride down, only a drop from 150 feet up. I love the ride up, but that drop sucks. If I can just survive the fall, I know I will enjoy the ride back up.
Being Bipolar is tough as hell. I know I'm not as extreme as some, for that, on behalf of my family, I am grateful. However, I like knowing I feel something, however extreme, rather than being milk-toast like most people. Love yourself and your wonderful personality.
i like......
Hi,
I came across your blog and wanted to say hello. My name is Iri Amirav and I am a co-founder at iMedix. iMedix is a website that helps hundreds of thousands of patients every month and we’ve recently decided to form a Support Group for Bipolar patients: http://www.imedix.com/Bipolar
I am looking for leaders who will be interested to start and manage this group with me and thought you might be a good person to speak with about finding patients in need. I would love to speak with you and tell you more about who we are and what we are trying to accomplish.
Please feel free to contact me by email. In addition, you can find me on the iMedix website under the nickname irus.
I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Best,
Iri
irus.imedix@gmail.com
Most recent research indicates that its actually a biochemical imbalance in the brain and there is no 'cure' as yet, though the disorder is treatable with a regime of therapy and maintenance medication. The condition is life long, so it is likely a person will require medication and therapy for the rest of their life, but to be adjusted as circumstances require.
Bipolar Disorder, Bipolar Patients,
Bipolar Symptoms, Bipolar Community, Manic-Depressive, Mania, Mood Swings,
Mood Stabilizers, Mental Health Evaluations, Episodes
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