Crazy Times

Well I haven't read my last post so I do not know what I said or when I said it. All I know is that this year has been extremely eventful.

In February I separated from my wife. At first it was going to be a month then it was a few months and then . . . Well first of all she started having this guy over while I was living elsewhere. Then I found out he was staying the night. In fact she had him over a day after I moved out. On Valentines day no less. When I found out about this I almost walked away from her. At this point I honestly wish I had.

The next month while I was spending a weekend at the house while she was out of town I found love letters between her and this guy. That led to my first legal issue. I kicked a hole in a wall after becoming extremely agitated. I wish after I had found the letters that I would have walked away from her. (see a pattern here?)

At that point I got a lawyer. Did I walk away yet? No.

In April after she had told me she was no longer going to have the guy over I drove by the house. I knew he was there. She had just gotten back from yet another trip--the family vacation that had been planned. My plan was to see if he was there and then to talk to her in person to tell her I was having the signed divorce papers sent to her to sign. Unfortunately I was too aggressive in trying to communicate with her.

So months after this incident I find out that I had three misdemeanors charged against me. Stalking, harassment, and criminal trespass for trying to get into my own house. In the end two of the charges were dropped and I ended up with the stalking charge. Again I wish I would have just left her at that point.

I finally did walk away and I have not spoken to her since April. I saw her and her kids when I was at court. She was not welcome there since she was only there to watch but she had a legal right to be there since it was a public thing. The kids should not have been there though.

Right before my last court date I lost my job. I had to move out of my apartment. I spent the next month getting back on my feet.

After I my divorce was final I met someone and started dating her. She is a lot more sane than my ex wife was or ever will be. I ended up moving in with her because of everything that was going on at the time. It was too early for me to move in but after a while we both ended up adjusting to it. Moving back out now would be damaging to the relationship not to mention pointless.

The funny thing is that I live a few miles from my ex. This would not have been my first choice.

I will always love my two step-kids... well they are not exactly step-kids anymore but they always will be to me. Unfortunately due to circumstances I am unable to communicate with them. If I could I would tell them I still care for them.

Why can't I talk to them? You see my ex has been trying to put me in jail. First she cheated on me then she tried to put me in jail. Thus, my lawyer said it was best if I move from the state I live in. I cannot have any communication with her because it puts me at risk. Furthermore, I cannot communicate with the kids either because that puts me at risk.

While it's true that I would never have any kind of relationship with my ex (I dont' associate with people who cheat, lie, and attempt to put me in jail for no good reason) I wish I could talk to the kids without risking my own personal freedom. The problems I had did not warrant such a punishment.

I have forgiven my ex's cheating. But I will never forget. I will also never forget the control she had over me for years. She is codependent. We thought I was bipolar. I am not. She was my problem my whole time.

Oh yeah. I do not have bipolar disorder. I have major depression. Go figure. Living a crazy life with a codependent made me someone I am not.

I am so much better now. Just a bit sad.

There ya go. My update if anyone who used to read this is still out there. Maybe I will post again.

By the way I am volunteering with NAMI