I'm still alive and kicking one year after my divorce...
Life is different now. I have a different job, I live somewhere different, the way I cope with things is different. I lost my job last year and attempted suicide. I backed out at the last moment, spent a week in a mental hospital, and I have been healing since. I moved in with my girlfriend. I no longer get triggered into sudden suicidal behavior. Going through difficult things has caused me to learn how to cope with difficult situations.
Life is still difficult. I work hard. I work long hours. The thoughts of suicide still cross my head... but the difference is that I use that as a trigger to start changing something. The most recent change is to focus on the right now... this moment. I am not spending my time feeling guilty about the past. I am no longer worrying about tomorrow. I've noticed that colors are brighter, tastes are more intense, I've noticed the details of my environment. It's fascinating.
For the next while I will be writing about what I have been experiencing. I intend to keep going with this way of thinking to see where it gets me. I suspect a lot of my recent dreams will become attainable...
I will keep you posted.
3 comments:
Hey there. I'm glad things are getting easier . . .
Love,
Kristin
That's great. You are an inspiration.... I am currently suffering with bipolar and I don't know which way I am going on any given day. Feeling great one moment and exhausted and broken the next... I hope to get to a better place mentally soon. Starting Depakote tomorrow.
Thanks Brigit. I know you posted this 5 months ago but I wish you good luck with your illness...
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